I like to have conversations and I like to discuss with different people. And I love to have opposite to me someone who does not necessarily share my views. The reason for this is simple. I like the challenge and I like the energy that surrounds the conversation. I also like the fact that I learn relatively quickly new things. However, there is always a high risk to immerse too much in the topic, a very high risk to put at stake all your beliefs, all your knowledge, all the patterns of your functioning. And last but not least, a huge amount of your emotions….And so the game begins:
At first you have fun. You laugh and you listen carefully, you give respective arguments and you try to use nice statements, such as Oh, I see your point; or That’s interesting what you are saying…
Later on your speech pace accelerates, even your breath speeds up and your hands suddenly move and your face is expressive. You raise your voice, your pupils widen up and you concentrate a lot on what’s going on in your head, you have so much to say and the other one does not stop. Moreover, the opponents are so strange that they do not understand you. They really do not see that they are actually wrong. How is this possible? You have always thought they were intelligent, open-minded and so cool. But look at them now. They just go on and on with the same sets of arguments which make no sense to you. They even try to attack you. How do they dare? They are trying to rob you of your identity, eliminate you, telling you that YOU are not RIGHT. They are killing you softly and you want to be killing them back – maybe less softly.
Now you are in the middle of the game. You want to win – that is the goal of the game. You do not want your partner gives up – that would be too easy and besides you would be losing the fun part. You do not want to leave your partner far behind because that would be less challenging. But the last thing you would do is to let them win. The great part is – they feel the same. They even admire you for your eloquence or for your resilience or for your wit. Be sure that in this duel they do not want to see you dead, they only want their satisfaction.
Every game has to end at one point – usually the winner takes it all and the defeated is left with mixed feelings of not being good enough or having a bad luck. Maybe next time…However, debates and discussions on less serious or more serious topics have no winners and no losers. Then, how come that so many people feel disappointed or resentful or even hurt? Well, the EGO knows the answer: never to give in, never to accept and never let go. This leads to the primary question how to play the game without the bitter end part. How to put aside the swords without feeling defeated. The prerequisite is to have the right amount of respect towards any person you discuss or argue with, and also the right amount of love to be able to see the person exempt from their ideas and opinions.
So the game is over – be kind: to your opponent and to yourself. Have a nice drink together and toast each other’s bravery and wit. If the opportunity comes up, hit the dance floor. There, both of you must shut up, listen (to the music), cooperate and breathe steadily. The minor risks you face (like falling out of the rhythm, breaking the high heel or bumping into other dancing pairs) are worth a very good laugh. If you do not dance or you do not fancy a drink, then there is always SILENCE option. You dive in and you let it sooth you. Do not ask how; do not think too much on what happened. Just enjoy being with yourself. Do what you feel works best for you. In the end, what does not kill you, makes you a stronger and hopefully also a “better” person.