Dance me to the End (or Beginning)

photo: Marian Majik

photo: Marian Majik

Maybe it was because I was under the spell of the viral article about the most common regrets people have on their death bed or due to the curse of my chronic pain condition. Maybe it was linked to my age or to the general obsession that we should live up to our dreams, never give up on them. Or simply because I felt that once I wanted something so much but I was told that it was not such a good idea. When I say I was told, I mean that in some cases I told myself not even to try because…I will be not good at it, I would need to sacrifice something else etc. And so one day I came up with a list of things I would love to have or do.

My ultimate wish list (or the part open to public eye) :

  1. to have a dog
  2. to have a room with bookshelves and all my books arranged by topics with a cosy armchair and a stylish reading lamp
  3. to have a job which brings both challenge and independence and involves working with people
  4. learn to dance at least a bit like they did in Dirty Dancing
  5. to be able to take a photo of an insect or animal or a person that will evoke emotion – a lot of emotions
  6. to write down in a concise manner at least a part of all things that go in my head
  7. to go on pilgrimage ALONE so I can experience quiet and solitude.

Already with the first one I realized that it might be quite useful to allow myself to postpone certain dreams. Since, with the age I have become less stubborn and compromising does not bother me that much we bought a cat instead of a dog. Black with green eyes, full of energy, furry and cuddling. I spent several cold autumn evenings with him in the garden chasing him around and throwing him a ball. Wonderful moments. So were those he spent on my lap when I was watching TV in the evening. And one spring day he was gone and after several months he was declared missing forever. When I clean the leather sofas in the living room I still see his scratches there as remains of the old times with him. I am not stubborn but I do not give up easily. We will buy a new cat this summer. For the second dream I have the room and I have the books. I started to take dancing lessons. Actually, I am doing quite well and I really enjoy it. It is more than the good feeling of being capable to learn the steps. It is the perfect moment for aligning the body movements with the music. The time stops, the thoughts stop. Almost perfect relaxation. However, it seems that certain movements might not be ideal for my health condition and according to my doctor I shall rather slow down, not perform certain dance types etc. After hearing his opinion I was radical at first and thought –  well I would finish then. Now I consider how not to loose it all. Maybe with the time (and maybe not) I might reshuffle the wish list and add something else instead. As for the photos I have a good camera and some ideas. I write this blog post. I have already watched both The best exotic Marigold hotel films in order to imagine daily life in India. Consequently, I think I will start being alone rather in Santiago de Compostela than in Mumbai.

Looking closely at the matter –  dreaming is great. Fulfilling the dreams even better, although for this part you need to have the energy and also courage to try. You need a certain amount of motivation and perseverance because without that you cannot even go to Ikea. Well, you can but you will return without the bookshelves. You will need to restart at some point and give it a go again. You will need to mourn because it is likely that not all dreams come true. You will need to listen to your innerself and keep only those things on your wish list that you really desire, need or want. Maybe the wish to have a dog is not yours but your parents’, neighbours’ or partner’ s? It is good to realize that once upon a time one dream cannot be completed or made into perfection but the end means only beginning of something new. There are times we need to act and not only to dream. There are also times we need only to dream in order to keep hope for better tomorrow. All in all –  dream a little dream or two, dance always to the end of the show but keep the space for letting go. Life has always a back up plan 🙂

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