Magic – lost and found.

MagicAnd the day came. I was putting Emma to bed, we read a story in rhymes about Santa Claus and his raindeer working hard to deliver all the presents. When  I was about to kiss her good night she asked me with a hesitant smile: “Mum, who gives us presents? Santa cannot enter through the chimney.” I had to smile at her questioning face and said: “I do not know, honey”, looking at her and waiting for another question. “Mum, really, tell me the truth – is it you? “I could not pretend, it was the time. She knew and she did not know. The reason was showing her the facts and her heart wanted to believe in magic. In the beauty of lightness, the beauty of the world where all dreams come true. So I told her that it is me and dad and grandma and grandpa. She smiled and stated that it means neither fairies do exist and that the tooth fairy is “us”. Then she thought of last December when St. Nicholas wrote her a message. (She left for him a little liqueur bottle near the window – empty, of course, as I gave it to her to play with in her shop or restaurant. St. Nicholas wrote her that she could have left him a bit more of that tasty liquid…greedy guy :-)) She asked whether that was also me or dad? I confirmed that it was my idea and by that time she laughed with full heart and me as well. I asked her whether she was disappointed to find out about REALITY. She smiled and shook her head and said: “No, because I always want to know the truth.” I was moved by the whole conversation: I had in front of me a young woman, growing up, accepting what is, being honest and happy about the intimate moment she shares with her mum. Her practical nature was not forgotten as she reminded me to read the second page of her letter to Santa where she writes about her wishes for the upcoming Christmas.

Later that same evening I went to Samuel´s room to talk the day and sing our repertoire. I informed him about the latest developments in our family life – his sister knowing who actually gives Christmas presents. His reaction was very spontaneous and mature. He tried to reassure me by explaining that she might have had doubts but she was definitely not sure. I said: “Listen now she is sure because I told her the truth.” “Oh mum, you should have distracted her by saying that you do not know.” I was surprised by his willingness to keep the magic for his little sister. At the same time I was assured that both of them are big enough “to know” and keen to keep and create the magic in their daily lives. Whether for themselves or others.

I went downstairs full of emotions – losing the little children and finding small grown-ups. Knowing that losing the well-established magic does not mean losing it all and forever. It means transforming it and creating it some other time and in some other situation. Sooner or later with the same kind of joy and expectation in order to see the glowing eyes as if they read a message from St. Nicholas.  -Thinking that miracles do not happen but we make them for people we love most.

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