The way you are.

siblings <3The other day I had the usual talk with my two children before they went to sleep. Once they are in bed they are calm and ready to discuss. I guess that for them it is also an opportunity to stay awake as they believe sleeping is a waste of time. I asked Samuel first whether he can think of three things he loves about me, my husband and his sister. While I pronounced the name “Emma” he was already laughing in dismay, telling me it is impossible to find something good about his sister. As I am used to negotiate I said fine, then try 2 things. He was at ease with mum and dad and found (after certain hesitation) also nice things about Emma. Then I asked: “And what do you like about yourself?” This came out to be a hard task. “I do not know.” was the first answer, then a little embarrassment and then he named few things. I repeated the same later on with Emma and she was very quick with all 3 of us. Her brother (despite the battles she has with him) accumulated “good points” immediately. As for herself she was lost. It took me a while to help her to say out loud those things she is very good at – like being compassionate, cheerful, helping etc…

It has never occurred to me before that my children who are raised differently than I was-with lots of touching and encouragement would have such a difficulty to talk about their positive characteristics. I realised that we as parents suppose we give a lot, that we assure the secure and loving environment, however, the opposite forces enter into equation too. The pressure from school, the pressure from friends and their parents, the situations they encounter every single day when they are judged: work harder, tidy better, speed up, you are big enough, you did not do, you cry again, do not cry  – are you a baby? (honestly this was said to my girl by an adult friend…) etc. What do you hear while reading this? What do they hear – our beloved little, bigger, big ones?

So I decided that from now on I will do this “exercise” regularly. And I will do it with myself too. Once a week. I would love to see us confident and able to appreciate who we are. Now. Without the good results from school. Without numerous activities we can present to our friends. Without the achievements in work. Without the number of foreign languages we mastered so far. Without the courageous projects we have for ourselves and our kids. “Only” with our smiley nature, “only” with our crazy behaviour, “only” with our creative minds and hands, “only” with our ability to draw a simple picture, “only” with our tears that show that we feel an awful lot…ONLY with THE ONE thing or two that make us the WAY WE ARE. Lovable and Loving.

 

 

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