Memory of Pain II

EverythingIf you experience a major injury like breaking a leg or maybe “just” a twisted ankle it is very likely that you will have sequels even though that on the physical level the wound will be healed. The X-rays will show nothing, however you will feel pain sometimes depending on the weather or physical activity you do. You will learn to live with it and once recognizing the weakness in some part of your body, you will wisely take care of that part. You will not exaggerate with the sports, on the humid or windy days you will stay at home or some other warm place. You will be patient with yourself knowing that pushing the limits may cause you a trouble, more pain, less joy and even regrets that you should not have done this or that.

On the emotional level, similarly, once you have experienced a trauma – either in your childhood, teenage years or even adulthood at one point you will begin a process of healing and eventually you will expect to be “healed” completely. Either you start a journey on your own – reading self-help books, talking with compassionate friends or family members, listening to spiritual teachers etc. Maybe  – if the injury is more complex  – you will ask for a help of a professional who unlike yourself will have a healthy detachment from your story and will not enter into interpretations. Whatever the path chosen – you will need to take care of your wounded self. You will adopt healthier strategies when coping with ill minded people, you will learn to step away from situation reviving the painful memory. You will set up your boundaries and what is more you will start living more in the present – in the reality and not in imagined scenarios of your previous or current life. You will stop ruminating about the wrongdoings of your parents, lovers, siblings, teachers, neighbours, colleagues etc. This is a process and you will not go through it straightforwardly. From time to time you will have the impression that everything is fine and you can enjoy fully e.g. running a marathon without putting your challenged ankle into distress. On the emotional level you would think at some point that it does not matter anymore how awfully it felt being abandoned or rejected back then, or how poisonous were the words somebody uttered about you. However, it will still be triggered from now and then – either accidentally by people around you, or by a film story that reminds you of your story, or a song that was playing all the time on the radio at that given period. Once again patience is a virtue. You need to be compassionate with yourself and mind your limitations. It is a personal decision not allowing these limits to be transgressed. Saying NO to others is hard but saying NO to yourself is even harder.

Injured people – that we all are in a certain way on either level – we know what is best for us. We know where are the limits, we know the triggers, we know the cause of our pain. We are just afraid to say NO because NO symbolises a little death. Ending of pleasurable activities, ending of seeing friends or relatives, ending of going to certain places…Happy Endings in life are not necessarily those in which miracles happen, the magic cure appears from one day to another. Happy Ends are usually worked out consciously, with best intentions, without blaming, with taking responsibility for our own mistakes, with respecting our limitations and willingness to love better. To make it happen we need to learn to say YES to NO.

We deserve better than to re-experience the pain in the name of an imaginary life – perfect life we believed in when we were young. The life in which our physical body works impeccably until we die and in which our emotional life is a walk through a rose garden.

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