The Rainbow Girl.

dsc06054She was born quickly as if she could not wait to see the new horizons. She was so tiny that I was afraid to hold her even though I already had one baby at home. She was “tanned” from jaundice and needed a special baby cot with a light as if she wanted to tell us that she was different from her brother and that we had to learn everything about babies from a scratch. She was a baby constantly seeking contact – skin to skin, impossible to be put down from loving arms. She was breastfed continuously with hassle and crying, impatient and unsatisfiable – a real riddle from the very beginning. She was curious, observing everything with her beautiful eyes that have all colours in them – brown, green, yellow, blue. Looking for closeness and fighting for independence. She wanted no help when she started to eat with a spoon; she walked when 11 months old – miniature doll running after her brother. Potty phase skipped and going straight to the toilet without reduction seat so I would doubt if she does not disappear in the hole when she was 18 months old. A sensory child who can capture the mimicry of face expressions and people’s behaviour and act it out. She is a girl experiencing pure pleasure when eating. She is the darling who sings out loud in the morning immediately after she wakes up. The one who touches textiles (she was maybe 2 when she saw me wearing stockings for a change :-)and she was caressing my leg in order to capture the new garment she discovered.) The one who touches the food with her fingers even now when the discovery period should be over just because she needs to feel it and I let her if she does it at home. She would colour in for hours using all sorts of colours, cutting and glueing and making little presents for everybody. I remember her caring for babies since she was a toddler, looking in prams and smiling at them. She loves animals, especially the fury ones, she would kiss our cat and not minding to be scratched – a little suffering for lots of pleasure. A girl who knows the lightness of being without fear that once she flies high she might fall down deep and break her wings. The girl who would cry for a tiny thing and make a drama queen so you are fed up and the very same girl who in tough situations will say: ” it is ok mum, do not worry mum, maybe we can do this mum.” She is the girl who can be extremely messy, putting dirty socks in the drawer with her jewellery and at the same time tidying up the kitchen or setting up the table. A stubborn beauty with a frown on her face wanting her own way but giving in because she knows she is not right. A jealous creature comparing herself constantly with her brother but generous lady when she offers her disguise clothes to friends or gives away a piece of chocolate she would otherwise choke on. She is a smiley face that laughs so contagiously that you must laugh with her not even knowing the reason. She is a shouting woman who slams the door in order that we find her later on gently talking with her ponies. A girl who wants to play a piano for the pleasure of the sound she can make but suffering when her hands disobey and her legs want to kick the wooden instrument. She is a running Bambi tossing her blond hair in the wind. She is an insecure girl who wants a protection but does not know how to ask for it. She loves passionately, hugs constantly, squeezes the ones she loves, and kisses them. She is warm and compassionate. When she is hurt she cries her eyes out, rejects you and does not want you close but deeply inside she longs that you come back. She forgives but does not forget. She bruises herself again but always gets up and forgets and believes again. She grows fast – her tiny legs and feet are now long and slender. She loves to dress up but when I am not finding the leggings or stockings I would match she would tell me she does not need to be perfect. She is playful and careless, welcoming what comes without fear. She teaches me a lesson every day, she pulls my strings, and she gives me unconditional love even though she says sometimes she is not my friend anymore. She is totally unlike me. She is so much like me. It scares a hell out of me sometimes – repairing unrepairable in me. Being different and free. Still being a part of me. She is called Emma Alexandra – a mermaid who swims always under the water maybe because she was born into the water.

Who knows where the wind blows and carries you? Today is your birthday. I love you. We love you. Have a wonderful day.

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