Memory of Pain III

inception“Pain whatever its character and its origin comprises sensation, emotion, behaviour but most of all a story. Rewrite the story first and see what comes next. The understanding of the role of the storyteller is crucial for allowing the healing to take place. Therefore do not waist the energy to make the others to understand for they have their own story to understand first. Put your energy into knowing yourself and listening to your needs. For the pain hurts your narcissism so in order to heal you owe to yourself love and compassion.”  A.B.

Pain is our companion from the day we were born until we die. It is protecting us (from danger) but at the same time it scares us. The suffering it brings along makes us wonder about its meaning. What role does the pain play in your life?

You might be dealing with physical pain or psychological pain – both are traumas. Both are notions of limits, loss of wholeness, the loss of the image you have built over decades,the notion of separation from others, from the norm, from ONE self.In other words you feel you are drifting from life to death, from the light to darkness, from joy to despair, from pleasure to suffering, from being to fading – the loss of eternal and yet…It can feel comforting because in a way you have made acquaintance with the pain before. Maybe you have not known anything else. While being neglected, while being not heard, while being ridiculed for your feelings, while being praised for enduring pain, while being easy and never complaining about the pain. Having fever and still going on as a spinning top turned by the “force majeure”…Spinning automatically because that is the way how it goes. No questions. No answers. Marching vigorously through stormy weather, harsh wind slapping your cheeks, rain mixing with your tears but your eyes are equipped with a sharp focus. Not to miss the target, not to miss, not to fail in order to reach for the blessings of the hard working man/woman. Prepared to collect the fruits of grand endeavour. When?

And still you cannot avoid to crumble. To be split in thousand of pieces despite all the red flags you have seen. You neglected them because you were never allowed to acknowledge your true feelings and make peace with them. And so you crumble one day or another. Your wings are not broken because you have never grown wings and you have never learned to fly. Your bones are heavy and the muscles are weak. The ligaments do not serve you any more. But you keep on spinning because you have never learned to stop and observe and listen and taste and appreciate fully. Inception like feeling – where has it all started? In the reality or was it a dream? Not knowing hurts. It hurts the body, it hurts the soul. This is why we develop physical or mental illness. In a way it is necessary – it brings us back to ourselves.

Dealing with the pain is a complex issue. You probably already found out why and who and when. This is however of minor importance. The most important of all is what do you want to do with it? Dwell in it forever? Making yourself a victim? Blaming the other (doctors, parents, lovers, spouse, friends)? Playing the same song all over again? Picturing your inner wounded child?
Or becoming an adult, compassionate towards yourself, holding your body close and bouncing in the rhythm of a lullaby to comfort you from time to time but gathering your willpower and reach for help in order to heal?

Is the pain more in the head? Connect with your body. Is the pain in the body – work with your mind. Either way the self healing process relying exclusively on reading “know-how” books, practising a bit of this or that, informing oneself – managing on our own is an illusion. Illusion that prevents us from acting, from taking responsibility, from the necessary change. Resistance has its place in the healing process. However, one needs eventually to surrender. As Leonard Cohen says – surrender is not a matter of choice. Human beings need a catastrophe first in order to act. If you do not act it is probably because the catastrophe was not a major one and you are still not done with the suffering. Major minor or minor major suffering can be healed only when the wounded is ready. Sometimes the wounded can become a wounded healer…the ONE who will never ever forget and abandon him/herself in order to save somebody else.

Talmud says ” Whoever destroys a soul, it is considered as if he destroyed an entire world. And whoever saves a life, it is considered as if he saved an entire world.” I would add – whoever cannot save him/herself cannot save the other and whoever does not stop destroying him/herself cannot prevent destroying the other…Therefore to take care of our own healing is a duty we owe first of all to ourselves and then to those we love.

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