I was walking fast as if I was in a hurry with a book that I found. It was in the shape of heart, it could fit my palm, the borders of pages were silver and on the cover was a small cross. I entered a huge cathedral with a smell characteristic of old churches – mixture of moist walls with dust and cold air. I lifted a heavy curtain to enter the nave looking for somebody to hand over the book so it could be kept in a safe place but there was nobody. I went out to look for people but I felt anxious. Next to the church was a parish and I headed instinctively there, entered and was happy to see few people waiting on chairs to meet the pastor. Women were suspiciously staring at me but I started to talk enthusiastically about the precious book I found and I intended to give the good person who would take care of it. One woman grabbed the book from my hand and doubted the originality and value of it despite its age and beauty. At that moment I felt huge pain and I took the book back and realized I don’t want to give it away.
Finding a heart is finding the true self, the core that keeps us alive but we keep forgetting it. Carrying heart in a palm is the honesty, the openness to life, silver shiny borders the beauty that comes out of it. Small cross is the cross we carry through life- each of us. Place we search for refuge might be empty, not because it has no meaning but it does not serve as a refuge at the moment we need it. Looking for people is the search for connection, which encompasses risk of failure and misunderstanding. The search for the “good” or “right” person is a quest we set to ourselves because we are insecure. The woman “stealing” the heart and demeaning its value is the person who interferes in our lives and shakes our consciousness. The pain is an alarm to stop or act in order to preserve or reinvent our true self.
Giving your heart away is never a good idea and keeping it to yourself is not an act of selfishness. It is the best thing we can do. Our heart keeps our pace, it keeps us going, it keeps us alive. Holding it does not mean withholding it. Dropping your heart to somebody is heavy. Keeping it and sharing it helps us to bare the unbearable lightness of being.
Dreams are powerful. They can transform (into) reality…