Gravity

The pain took over and there are no words that can ease the suffering…one day maybe the strength comes back and maybe not. Over the three years the writing helped me to continue. To say what I never managed to say out loud. Some things and circumstances changed and some have not changed at all. Maybe the latter made me silent and so be it. There is out there something and somebody that provides the content that cannot be found here. Life roads are mysterious and all different. Continue reading

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About sunglasses, growing up and religion.

sam-exploring

In the car:

I am looking in the rear mirror and I see my son who has grown again. I still picture his traits back then when he was little, now he is a young man – almost. He does not show a lot of enthusiasm – we are off to buy sunglasses. He hates sunglasses and he hates shopping. He has been changing a lot recently – boredom, hanging around not knowing what to do or video games playing when he does not know when to stop. Constant argumentation (God, now I understand my parents – I was a pain.), witty responses, the vivid mimics I love so much – they show so well how the person feels are a part of his daily interaction. Continue reading

The Book of Life

CSC_0792I was walking fast as if I was in a hurry with a book that I found. It was in the shape of heart, it could fit my palm, the borders of pages were silver and on the cover was a small cross. I entered a huge cathedral with a smell characteristic of old churches – mixture of moist walls with dust and cold air. I lifted a heavy curtain to enter the nave looking for somebody to hand over the book so it could be kept in a safe place but there was nobody. Continue reading

Chronic Pain and Story telling

curious ladybirdImagine you are an ordinary guy or a girl and you are invited to write or to tell a story about yourself. You would probably talk about your childhood, parents, home town, job, your achievements, hobbies etc…There is so much to talk about. Ask the same thing a person who is currently in lot of pain (after surgery or after visiting a dentist) – they would probably not be able to talk about anything else but pain. Ask the very same question a person that suffers from chronic pain and they would probably talk about unfortunate events, useless treatments, annoying doctors, failing healthcare system, tough life in general and no light at the end of the tunnel. Continue reading

One step closer

one step closerWhile travelling by car another long distance at one moment I suggested to my kids to imagine that we caught a golden fish and each of us can ask three wishes to be fulfilled. While I was happy to hear that they do think of others I also wanted to hear myself uttering my priorities. So I wished good health for my mum and myself and for the job that would feel useful and meaningful. My daughter has proved not to loose her pragmatic side wishing to catch another golden fish in order to multiply her wishes (I rely on you, darling, once I am old and still here :-)) The magic was there we were all concentrated as if it was real, weighing our words, giving pros and cons. I think I even imagined the fish and the gesture of letting it go. This reminds me of those childhood moments when I witnessed the fishermen pulling the fish out of water and estimating whether they can keep it or not. I always hoped it will be too small. I cherished the moment when it was let back into the water – observing the swift movements of the sleek body disappearing in the depths of our summer lake. Continue reading

Women’s Day

a coupleWhat I got for Women’s Day was a good laugh because my employer organised an event talking about equality and women’s rights with three male speakers and one woman and variety of tasty Oberweis “petite mignardises” offered by male colleagues at the unit meeting. Behind this nice gesture was one particular colleague who surprised us last year with flowers and who probably enjoys a bit the sighting and giggling and admiring as thank you from female colleagues. You know –  women crack so easily for the romantic stuff. (Prince charming aka Mr Rochester galloping through the night is immediately in front of our eyes and we are swept off our feet in tiny shiny slippers immediately – at least for 5-10 minutes of our working time and we are paid for it!). Continue reading