Chronic Pain and Story telling

curious ladybirdImagine you are an ordinary guy or a girl and you are invited to write or to tell a story about yourself. You would probably talk about your childhood, parents, home town, job, your achievements, hobbies etc…There is so much to talk about. Ask the same thing a person who is currently in lot of pain (after surgery or after visiting a dentist) – they would probably not be able to talk about anything else but pain. Ask the very same question a person that suffers from chronic pain and they would probably talk about unfortunate events, useless treatments, annoying doctors, failing healthcare system, tough life in general and no light at the end of the tunnel. Continue reading


One step closer

one step closerWhile travelling by car another long distance at one moment I suggested to my kids to imagine that we caught a golden fish and each of us can ask three wishes to be fulfilled. While I was happy to hear that they do think of others I also wanted to hear myself uttering my priorities. So I wished good health for my mum and myself and for the job that would feel useful and meaningful. My daughter has proved not to loose her pragmatic side wishing to catch another golden fish in order to multiply her wishes (I rely on you, darling, once I am old and still here :-)) The magic was there we were all concentrated as if it was real, weighing our words, giving pros and cons. I think I even imagined the fish and the gesture of letting it go. This reminds me of those childhood moments when I witnessed the fishermen pulling the fish out of water and estimating whether they can keep it or not. I always hoped it will be too small. I cherished the moment when it was let back into the water – observing the swift movements of the sleek body disappearing in the depths of our summer lake. Continue reading

Women’s Day

a coupleWhat I got for Women’s Day was a good laugh because my employer organised an event talking about equality and women’s rights with three male speakers and one woman and variety of tasty Oberweis “petite mignardises” offered by male colleagues at the unit meeting. Behind this nice gesture was one particular colleague who surprised us last year with flowers and who probably enjoys a bit the sighting and giggling and admiring as thank you from female colleagues. You know –  women crack so easily for the romantic stuff. (Prince charming aka Mr Rochester galloping through the night is immediately in front of our eyes and we are swept off our feet in tiny shiny slippers immediately – at least for 5-10 minutes of our working time and we are paid for it!). Continue reading


Featured Image -- 603The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) includes over 450 different definitions of mental disorders. Just that you know. This is of course revised and updated each year if you happen to be interested in statistics…

What is it a disorder? Basically you are not as you “should be”. You are not in “order”. You do not “comply” with certain criteria. You are different. Do we want to be different? Despite all efforts to prove otherwise during teenage years, wild youth years, middle age crises – we want nothing more than to be considered as normal. Good, ok, lovable, cool, non problematic, acceptable…What do we do if we feel it is not the case? When we feel strange alienation into parallel world, or into the imaginary world? What if we do not relate with our peers – like the classic – all guys play football but I want to play with girls or read in a corner? What if I am a girl who loves short haircut and I play only with boys and all the girls laugh at me? I cannot read at the same speed as the others. I do not understand the mathematical and spatial concepts. I cry too much and they call me a baby. I am too tough and I fight a lot, though my family is not dysfunctional. I twist a lot when sitting on a chair – am I still fine or do I belong to ADHD category? Do I belong at all? Continue reading

Fulfilling dreams can hurt (La La Land).

la-la-land-posterAfter I have listened to all songs and covers from the now well-known and acclaimed musical La La Land that were available on YouTube and I have watched bits and pieces of trailers I finally went to cinema to see the musical.  “The film that has faith that a boy, a girl, a bench and a plum-coloured sunrise are still capable of working their magic” (Robbie Collin). It worked. (Please do not read further if you intend to watch the movie).
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Good enough (mother).

EverythingEmma told us today with a sad voice that she still has not received a certificate at school for doing something well. She mentioned a short story she wrote about Christmas and the teacher said it was well written, however she still did not get the magic paper. I do not care about these rewards. Simply because I do not believe in the whole concept of giving special rewards for what I consider to be usual work at school. I also know from my own experience that these little incentives create only comparison, feelings of inferiority and fear of failure. Continue reading

On Pain & Happiness

all-about-painWe were returning from Christmas holidays 2 years ago and on the way back home, in the car I made up my mind and decided to enrol in sophrology studies. I did not have any special goal, any expectations but most of all I was totally unsure how I would cope with  highly specific studies in French. I also imagined all people who would be much more competent than me. But…the subject intrigued me for a long time and I felt the eagerness to learn something new, something that discloses the functioning of mind and body and that it will do me a good. After the first lecture I wrote “Stillness”because at that time my whole being was in a state of surrendering to life as such. As if suddenly the quiet of the room and falling of the snow were telling me it is perfectly all right to be there among the others who were brought to join the very varied group for different reasons and goals. Continue reading