Nothing to declare

absolutionThe other day one of the acquaintance colleagues asked me THE question: “How are you Alexandra?” I have been struggling with this question for so long. It is so culturally bound and blatant and shallow. Still practical to ask when you look into eyes of someone and do not really know what to say. Continue reading

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Women’s Day

a coupleWhat I got for Women’s Day was a good laugh because my employer organised an event talking about equality and women’s rights with three male speakers and one woman and variety of tasty Oberweis “petite mignardises” offered by male colleagues at the unit meeting. Behind this nice gesture was one particular colleague who surprised us last year with flowers and who probably enjoys a bit the sighting and giggling and admiring as thank you from female colleagues. You know –  women crack so easily for the romantic stuff. (Prince charming aka Mr Rochester galloping through the night is immediately in front of our eyes and we are swept off our feet in tiny shiny slippers immediately – at least for 5-10 minutes of our working time and we are paid for it!). Continue reading

DisOrder

Featured Image -- 603The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) includes over 450 different definitions of mental disorders. Just that you know. This is of course revised and updated each year if you happen to be interested in statistics…

What is it a disorder? Basically you are not as you “should be”. You are not in “order”. You do not “comply” with certain criteria. You are different. Do we want to be different? Despite all efforts to prove otherwise during teenage years, wild youth years, middle age crises – we want nothing more than to be considered as normal. Good, ok, lovable, cool, non problematic, acceptable…What do we do if we feel it is not the case? When we feel strange alienation into parallel world, or into the imaginary world? What if we do not relate with our peers – like the classic – all guys play football but I want to play with girls or read in a corner? What if I am a girl who loves short haircut and I play only with boys and all the girls laugh at me? I cannot read at the same speed as the others. I do not understand the mathematical and spatial concepts. I cry too much and they call me a baby. I am too tough and I fight a lot, though my family is not dysfunctional. I twist a lot when sitting on a chair – am I still fine or do I belong to ADHD category? Do I belong at all? Continue reading

Fulfilling dreams can hurt (La La Land).

la-la-land-posterAfter I have listened to all songs and covers from the now well-known and acclaimed musical La La Land that were available on YouTube and I have watched bits and pieces of trailers I finally went to cinema to see the musical.  “The film that has faith that a boy, a girl, a bench and a plum-coloured sunrise are still capable of working their magic” (Robbie Collin). It worked. (Please do not read further if you intend to watch the movie).
Continue reading

Good enough (mother).

EverythingEmma told us today with a sad voice that she still has not received a certificate at school for doing something well. She mentioned a short story she wrote about Christmas and the teacher said it was well written, however she still did not get the magic paper. I do not care about these rewards. Simply because I do not believe in the whole concept of giving special rewards for what I consider to be usual work at school. I also know from my own experience that these little incentives create only comparison, feelings of inferiority and fear of failure. Continue reading

On Pain & Happiness

all-about-painWe were returning from Christmas holidays 2 years ago and on the way back home, in the car I made up my mind and decided to enrol in sophrology studies. I did not have any special goal, any expectations but most of all I was totally unsure how I would cope with  highly specific studies in French. I also imagined all people who would be much more competent than me. But…the subject intrigued me for a long time and I felt the eagerness to learn something new, something that discloses the functioning of mind and body and that it will do me a good. After the first lecture I wrote “Stillness”because at that time my whole being was in a state of surrendering to life as such. As if suddenly the quiet of the room and falling of the snow were telling me it is perfectly all right to be there among the others who were brought to join the very varied group for different reasons and goals. Continue reading

Memory of Pain III

inception“Pain whatever its character and its origin comprises sensation, emotion, behaviour but most of all a story. Rewrite the story first and see what comes next. The understanding of the role of the storyteller is crucial for allowing the healing to take place. Therefore do not waist the energy to make the others to understand for they have their own story to understand first. Put your energy into knowing yourself and listening to your needs. For the pain hurts your narcissism so in order to heal you owe to yourself love and compassion.”  A.B. Continue reading

November Feeling

Every year, every month, each day of our life is different, though it consists of the very same things we are used to doing. The festivities, the commemoration days, the holiday periods are there so we can change the mundane and at the same time they build a path of certain stability, something that waits for us always at the same time of the year. The mixture of repetition and change. Change that implies curiosity, expectation, thrill, pleasure but also fear of losing, of not getting there or going backwards. Stability that implies peace, effortlessness, pleasure, feeling of control but also fear of stagnation, boredom, spiritual death. I always used to love November for all this – the ambiguity and the opposites brought into harmony. The rainy and dark days and the warm light of candles and street lamps. The cool air and the hot tea after a long walk. The fog in the morning and the distant sun at the lunch time. The cold lakes we enjoyed in the summer that still welcome ducks and swans for a splash. The colourful leaves that dance their last dance with the wind and then land quietly on the ground in order to decay. The silence of emptiness at the cemeteries and the hope for eternal. The remembering and letting go. The sadness but not despair. The fireplace and cracking of the wood that diminishes in front of your eyes. The warmth that stays after it is gone. The films with happy endings and the life stories with or without happy endings. The slowness of the time and the speed of days, months, years passed. Everything changes only the November feeling stays the same…

Alexandra´s blog on Little things that matter

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November has always been the month of leaves falling down, rain falling down, the earth evaporating its characteristic smell. November is the dark early in the morning and in the afternoon, the strange melancholy of street lamps that shine on people walking quickly. They are wrapped in their coats and look down not just because they want to avoid rain puddles.
It is the time of All Saints and the gatherings at cemetery where lie the beloved ones or the ones we have never met but are linked to us by whatever story.
Coming and going. The life cycle.

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